A mind of an Introvert

This is actually my long time haul. I'm not considering my self as a person who is addicted to social media. I am an active user on Facebook and Instagram (mostly just shared pictures), in a moderate way, I think?. There are lots of reason why I think social media is not for me anymore, some that I can explain: I start to feel uncomfortable replying to people's comment - I know this is weird. Why the hell I posted something if I don't want people to respond :)). I honestly felt burdened by the comments (should I reply? should I just give the thumbs up? is my reply good enough?).  I don't like being judged (who does?) or in other words, I don't like people to think that they know me, when mostly they don't. For example, in the past, I often posted my picture working in a coffee shop, and when I met a friend in person, they said: "Your lifestyle is fancy because you always work from a coffee shop". When in fact that's not really the case, I m

It's only April, which means 2020 baru 4 bulan, but I feel like looooots of things has happened within those 4 months. At the end on 2019, gue menyambut 2020 dengan penuh harapan. Karena 2019 adalah tahun yg sucks buat gue. Dalam segala aspek gw ngerasa gagal  di 2019. Mulai dari stress kerjaan, stress sama pencapaian diri sendiri, pokoknya apa2 gue bawaannya stress mulu, sampe kepikiran mau ke Psikolog loh gue, beneran. Diakhir-akhir 2019, gue mulai merasa hopefull, perlahan-lahan stress yang mostly gue bikin-bikin sendiri itu pudar. I started to gain those confidence in my self. "You're better than you think you are Ra!", "Stop underestimating your self!", dan sederet mantra lainnnya, yg bikin gw menyambut 2020 dengan penuh optimis. Minggu pertama 2020, I lost one of my cat Lily, yg baru gue adopsi sekitar 3 bulanan. Gue ngerasa down sekitar semingguan, nangis mulu, segala sudut rumah mengingatkan gue sama si kecil item bermata orange itu. At that ti

Seingat gw sejak umur setahunan Tafa tuh udah obsesi berat sama yang namanya kereta. Waktu umur itu kita beliin dia mainan Thomas abal-abal dipasar gembrong plus relnya. Makin kesini setiap benda yang berbentuk panjang lurus dianggap dia kereta, ya portal jalanan lah, garis pembatas pinggir jalan, sampe jemuran aja sama dia dikekerin sambil ngayal. Gw sampe mikir, anak gw ada kelainan apa gimana ya? Obsesi kereta ini sempat ada selingannya yaitu pesawat. Jadi siklusnya ya Kereta - Pesawat - Kereta gitu aja ganti2. Kadang juga ada short term selingan kaya hot wheels, kpop atau yang paling absurd tahun kemarin dia obsesi ama ikan hahaha.... Dia maksa-maksa kita beli aquarium dirumah, yang ujung-ujungnya cuma dibeliin aquarium kecil bentuk pot aja, males malihh bersihinnya kan mesti rutin. Sangking terobsesinya, saban hari kalo jamnya main hape dia kalo ga browsing soal ikan atau ga liat yutub video perikanan, terabsurd lagi yg dia obsesiin adalah ikan sapu-sapu :))))...the

Kayaknya sekarang ini lingkungan sekitaran gw lagi pada musim anak ke-3. Pertemanan SMA, Kuliah, ex temen kantor, lagi banyak banget yg hamil or punya newborn. Si manusia labil ini pun pertahanannya agak goyah, hamil lagi apa yaaa??? Udah perbincangan berbulan-bulan yang lalu sama suami, koq kangen yaa punya bayi, kangen baunya, kangen ketidakberdayaannya (coz believe me buibu, buat yg belum ngerasain punya anak pre-abg, it doesn't get any easier than you thought), kangen gemes2in deh pokoknya. Selama ini pertimbangan gw merasa cukup dengan dua anak saja karena : Yang pasti kerempongannya, dua anak aja udah mau gila kadang2 gimana mau nambah lagi. If you guys saying "loh kan kalian berdua kerja dari rumah?" justru karena kami berdua kerja dari rumah ini yg bikin otak gampang mendidih. Email teriak2 minta dibales, anak teriak2 minta di cebokin!!! Gw ngerasa hubungan gw dengan sodara2 kandung gw ga begitu akrab, karena kita ga tinggal bareng juga sejak mereka ke

(Tulisan nanggung Geje pas lagi ga bisa tidur...mau diapus sayang udah cape2 di ketik - pake hp pula ngetiknya - yasudlah kita post aja) It's 3 am on Holy Ramadhan month. My Alam will be ringing in the next 20 minutes and here I'm typing a post on my abandoned blog using my phone. I know the consequences. Tomorrow (or shall I say today) will be a crazy one. I will be a cranky mom coz I don't get enough sleep. First I have to cook for Sahur and then wake up everyone, wait till Shubuh and then if I get lucky I can get 1-hour sleep in between Shubuh and preparing Mustafa's to school. 9am I need to sit in front of my laptop and start to work while doing household chores in between. I know I'm making a bad choice by staying awake up until this now watching YouTube, rolling my eyes on Instagram stories and playing candy crush.  But yeah I didn't do this very often so let's just pray I will survive for another day. This has just happened exactly hours ago,

This is like the 4th post that ended up on my draft for months. But as the title stated, i will push my limit to post something on this blog, after months. Rekor nih kayaknya, tahun ini cuman nulis 4 post? c'mon ra!. Writing a blog for me it's kinda therapy. Writing down ideas, and make sure my ability to write 'something' is still there. So many ups and down happening lately. Life, right? I've disengage with world out there, the downside of working from home. Antisosial bgt nih sis. The worst part is i think i'm too much enjoying this situation. I don't have to listen any bull-crap from people. Bahkan bersosialisasi dengan tetangga dan ibu2 sekolahnya Tafa pun aku malas. Wondering if something wrong with me? Teman bergaul ku hanya suami dan anak-anak, and my colleague who lives thousand miles apart and always wanted to do a weekly catchups where we could talk about anything, including how she thinks my hair looks good on video call. Peop