Random lonely thought

(Tulisan nanggung Geje pas lagi ga bisa tidur...mau diapus sayang udah cape2 di ketik - pake hp pula ngetiknya - yasudlah kita post aja)

It's 3 am on Holy Ramadhan month. My Alam will be ringing in the next 20 minutes and here I'm typing a post on my abandoned blog using my phone.

I know the consequences. Tomorrow (or shall I say today) will be a crazy one. I will be a cranky mom coz I don't get enough sleep. First I have to cook for Sahur and then wake up everyone, wait till Shubuh and then if I get lucky I can get 1-hour sleep in between Shubuh and preparing Mustafa's to school. 9am I need to sit in front of my laptop and start to work while doing household chores in between.

I know I'm making a bad choice by staying awake up until this now watching YouTube, rolling my eyes on Instagram stories and playing candy crush.  But yeah I didn't do this very often so let's just pray I will survive for another day.

This has just happened exactly hours ago, my friend posted a photo of him buying stacks of frozen foods with a good price deal and I send him a very judgemental comments saying that's not healthy. He then attacked me back by saying he's fine with his life and I might need to concern on my own life (sort of). I feel really offended because my first intention was showing that I care about him. But yeah that's just a thing about internet communications these days, that people can be misunderstood you, just because what you type might read with a different tone that leads to different meaning.

People said that as we grow older our circle becomes smaller. That's probably true, but in my case now that I work from home and have a very minimum social interaction, I probably have zero friendships circle. I don't count WhatsApp group as a friendship circle because I have tons of group and I don't really communicate in real life with 99% of them.

I kept in touch with my college besties but we only saw each other one time a year at best even though we live in the same city.

I lately hang out a lot with my high school friends, just because we just had a big reunion this year and I was a part of the committee and now I feel we've seen each other enough this year and I just couldn't go through Jakarta's traffic madness to meet them anymore.

Don't get me wrong, I really want to have a good friend, other than my husband and my kids, but it gets harder to find someone who you can really connect with. Me and my husband use to make a joke about this that we so desperately need friends and we could go to a coffee shop, eavesdropping couples of people hanging out just so we feel that we're hanging out with them...poor us haha...